6 Alternatives To Prohibition In Upbringing
It is becoming increasingly clear that bans as a form of parenting are not effective at all, especially for older children and adolescents. When we forbid something, children usually respond with resistance and by rebelling. Therefore, we will look at six alternatives to bans that are much more effective.
If you raise your children in an overly authoritarian way, the reactions are often not the ones you might have hoped for or wanted. Rather, the situation tends to only get worse. More democratic alternatives show that bans are not the answer.
So, do you want to discover six prohibition alternatives that you can use in your parenting? Why are bans so ineffective? We look at these issues and more in the article below.
What do we mean by an authoritarian approach to disciplining children and young people? This is when children and young people do what we ask for fear of the consequences if they do not. In other words, they do not follow the rules voluntarily or because they think it is right to do so.
It is important to have a more democratic attitude towards parenthood, where there is a balance in the authority one exercises. To achieve this, we suggest the following:
6 alternatives to bans in child rearing
Raise your children with kindness
If you base your parenting on prohibitions, threats and punishments, you will not get anywhere. In the long run (or even much earlier), your children will respond with resistance and rebellion. Therefore, it is much healthier and more positive to raise your children with care and kindness. Of course, we do not mean that you should exaggerate and allow just about everything. You need to find the right balance.
It is important that you always explain the reasons for everything. At the same time, let your children know that you are always open to discussing and negotiating rules and restrictions. And of course, let them know that they can trust you all the time.
Raise your children with an open and flexible mind
You must have an open mind and understand that your own generation is different from your children’s. They grow up in circumstances that are different from those you grew up with. It is therefore important to stay up to date on current news and trends in order to familiarize yourself with their situation. In addition, one must never criticize their taste.
Teach children self-control from an early age
Children and adolescents with well-developed self-control will become successful adults when that day comes. When we set rules, we must all agree and always help our children understand the reason behind the rule. It is important for our children to understand that we do not create rules or set boundaries to make them angry but to keep order.
Ultimately, norms are a way of educating children and adolescents with positive habits that they can maintain over time. In this way, they learn to be responsible for doing things without the need for reminders.
Talk positively about grades
It can be complicated to talk about grades – especially if they happen to be bad. However, if this is the case and your child’s grade is lower than you expected, try not to react in an authoritarian way. For example, do not respond by giving them a curfew or banishing them to their rooms to study for two months in a row. You will only make your child’s attitude towards studies even worse.
According to the democratic model, you should talk to your child and analyze why they did not do so well. And from there you continue together and look for solutions. If you do not understand the grade, you can talk to the school or the teacher to find out what is happening to help your child cope better.
Evaluate effort more than ability – another good alternative to prohibition
This means that we should not only talk about how good and intelligent our children are, but it is more important to praise their efforts. All parents know that their children’s abilities – no matter how intelligent they are – need to be strengthened to produce results.
When teens become overconfident about their abilities, they may stop trying. As long as the requirements are low, they can still do well. But when school is more demanding, grades can be affected.
Teach children to enjoy the learning process
It is important to help children have fun while learning; it provides a pleasant environment that contributes to learning. For example, we can use fun activities with them and create a healthy connection between parent and child.
If they like comics, you can visit a comics fair together. If they like art, take them to an art museum etc.
Why are bans so ineffective?
If you continue to use prohibitions as a way of raising your children, you will only fail in your attempts. In addition, you will damage their self-esteem. It is much better to give them information and explanations instead of forbidding them to do things. Raising your children in this way prepares them to make better decisions on their own.
In the case of very young children, you should not forbid them to climb on the slide, for example. Instead, explain that they can fall and injure themselves, but that you are helping them to climb so that they can be safe.
In short, as you can see, an authoritarian upbringing method is ineffective and has proven to be counterproductive. Fortunately, there are alternatives to bans and which are also much more effective, e.g. the democratic method where authority and permissiveness are in balance.
We hope you can apply these suggestions in your daily interactions with your children. We are confident that the results will be positive.
