Why Is It Important To Let The Children See You Become Friends Again?

In everyday life, we as parents often go on autopilot and forget that our children see everything we do. That they internalize what they see. In all families, parents quarrel and when children witness this, it can affect them. That is why, should we quarrel with our partner in front of our children, we should also let them see us become friends again.

After children have seen their parents quarrel, they often notice how their parents’ dynamics are back to normal the next day. They get to see how they approach each other again with affection and without excitement. But if children have witnessed a quarrel, it is important that parents also involve them in conflict resolution. Let’s take a closer look at why.

How do quarrels affect children?

For a small child, the parents are its two main attachments. He or she trusts that the parents will provide not only basic love and care, but also structure, security and guidance. It is important that parents always act as a unit for their children. It shows strength that gives children security and peace of mind.

So when parents start arguing so that their children see it, this will make them feel insecure and upset. Especially when the respect, security and affection that should always dominate interactions cannot be seen. Seeing the two most important people in their world being angry at each other, shouting or behaving disrespectfully, affects children deeply.

Here are some ways in which seeing parents quarrel can affect children:

• They feel scared.  The two people responsible for their safety and well-being seem upset, quarrel and may lose control. The children probably do not know why the quarrel started or how it will end. This uncertainty can make them feel anxious.

• They experience feelings of guilt, as children often believe that they are the cause of the conflict. And they may think that their parents are angry with them; that they have behaved badly or done something wrong.
• They learn incorrect strategies for social interactions. Children learn through imitation. Through what they observe, they create a picture of how human relationships work. They will internalize certain patterns of behavior. Because of this, your children may think that raised voices, insults or icy silences are valid communication tools.

It is not always possible to avoid conflicts

You should try to avoid having regular quarrels in front of your children. It is always better to find the right time and place where the couple can discuss and resolve their differences without the children being present.

But at the same time, if something needs to be said in front of them, you should do so with great care and thought. We must show how to address problems in these cases and we must try to communicate as respectfully and safely as possible.

But parents are also human beings. We are not machines or robots. We can not always control our actions one hundred percent. Conflicts and setbacks are also unplanned and can sometimes occur at the wrong times. Because of this, such unpleasant scenes have taken place in all families.

The importance of becoming friends again so that the children see it

It is not necessary to get angry at yourself and dwell on what has happened over and over again if you have accidentally let your children witness a quarrel. However, what is necessary is to let them see you become friends again so that they can learn from this experience.

For the most part, we resolve conflicts with our partner after our children have already fallen asleep or while they are playing in another room. But allowing them to be present at the Atonement will benefit them in various ways.

First, they calm down by seeing that their two affiliates have become friends again. Secondly, you teach them by being a good example, that it is normal for conflicts and disagreements to arise, but that these do not mean that there is no love or that the relationship is over. It shows them how to handle disagreements and resolve conflicts with others.

But above all, you let them witness important actions and values. Such as the humility it takes to apologize and the strength it takes to accept an apology. All the many different expressions of love that happen on these occasions. These loving acts are characteristic of reconciliation. So if it is not possible to prevent a fight in front of the children, it will always be a great option to become friends again so that they see it.