It Is Important To Agree On How To Raise Their Children

When a couple decides to start a family, two worlds unite to form a whole new one. We all come with luggage; opinions and views of all parties are merged to meet the task of raising a family. This can make it difficult to agree on how to raise your children.

When we ourselves become parents, the way our parents raised us becomes quite obvious. Whether the intention is to repeat this way, or to avoid it, the upbringing we were given will play an important role. Our fears, desires and beliefs bubble up and sometimes they collide with our partner.

A united front

However, it is important that children see their parents as a united, solid and firm front. This gives them clear boundaries and a sense of security when it comes to dealing with themselves in life. If children witness constant disagreements and conflicts between their parents, they will receive conflicting messages and will feel that they lack a clear point of reference.

Contradictions between parents and the resulting feeling of insecurity undoubtedly lead to grief and anxiety in children.

In addition, it can be a factor that children learn to take advantage of. In other words, children can use these gaps between their parents to adapt to which parent’s point of view they prefer on each occasion.

Even when it comes to parents who are separated, it is still best to agree on how to raise their children. It is important that children of separated parents receive the same message in both their homes.

Lack of agreement on how to raise their children

There are two main situations that reflect the parents’ difficulties in agreeing on a child’s upbringing.

Both have completely different views on child rearing

This is the clearest case. Depending on their own life experiences, parents have very different ideas about what is best for their children’s upbringing. Both feel that they are right and that what they believe is true. This leads to a lack of flexibility in terms of dialogue, active listening and negotiations between the parents.

The various parties try to impose what he or she thinks is right and it gives a feeling of confusion and lack of control in the children. Therefore, disagreements and conflicts between parents are frequent and can turn into a struggle for principles and pride.

The parents agree in theory but not in practice

Another situation that often arises is when parents through dialogue agree on how to raise their children. They seem to share the same values ​​and views and have no difficulty in establishing rules for their home.

But when it comes to implementing the agreement in practice, one of the parents is much more permissive than the other. The child-rearing philosophy that he or she fully supports now seems unimportant. The parent constantly makes exceptions and no longer takes the agreement on upbringing seriously.

By doing so, the indulgent parent sabotages everything the partner has worked so hard for by sticking to the agreement and maintaining the boundaries they have set. In addition, it makes them seem inflexible and cold towards their children.

How to agree on the upbringing of a child

You are a new family. It is good to talk about the upbringing you both received and use it as a reference point in certain aspects. But do not forget that this is a brand new family and that you do not have to repeat what your parents did. The way your parents raised you is not the only way, or even necessarily the best way.

Make sure you and your partner show a united front. Talk in detail through the rules you want to introduce in your home. Avoid arguing and telling each other so that your children see it. If one of you has a conflict with your child, it is best for the other to stay away from the discussion and wait until you are alone to talk about it.

Remember that you are a team. Your partner is not your enemy but your ally and friend. Look for solutions together and avoid accusing each other and ending up in a power struggle.

Be consistent when setting boundaries. Do not leave the task of raising children to your partner and do not undermine his or her hard work. If you agree on an agreement, implement it in practice. Raising a person requires effort and hard work, but it is a beautiful responsibility.