Overprotected Children And The Risk Of Narcissism

All parents want other people to appreciate their children. We want everyone to see what we see: how smart, special and beautiful our children are. There is no greater fan of a child than his or her own parents, but this can be a serious mistake. We do not realize that with this we can encourage a harmful trait called narcissism.

Our children’s happiness is our highest priority as parents. We are afraid that our children will suffer or be traumatized and that this will lead to problems in their lives as adults. They are our greatest joy, and that’s why we want to give them all the opportunities we may not have had as children ourselves.

The problem is that we do not let them fight and strive, and in the long run it is worse than any other difficulty in childhood.

Overprotecting their children is harmful behavior. It makes children believe that they are superior to others and that they deserve everything they want without lifting a finger themselves. In addition, it prevents them from maturing and being able to face all the small adversities that life tends to give us. This will affect their entire adult life.

They become narcissistic, spoiled and weak. It is possible that they speak 3 languages ​​at the age of 7, but they do not know how to tie their shoes or set the table. They will develop an exaggerated ego and believe that they are entitled to everything. To counteract this, you need to know what is causing this behavior and how to recognize it.

What is narcissism?

Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an overestimation of oneself. Narcissistic people overestimate their abilities, lack empathy and need the attention of others to feel good. Often, their behavior generates antipathy in others and prevents them from having healthy relationships and friendships.

They also usually exhibit a series of behaviors, which are normally associated with poor parenting, when in fact the parents have tried to achieve the opposite:

• They only think they are understood by people of the same “rank” or that they consider to be above them.
• They think they have a right to everything.
• In their relationships, they treat others badly. They are selfish and take advantage of people around them.
• They lack empathy.
• They are very arrogant.
• They think that others are jealous of them.
• They have very low self-esteem, and therefore they constantly need admiration from others.

Teaching does not transfer knowledge – it creates the opportunity to produce it.

–Paulo Freire–

How to avoid problems with narcissism in children

Although the above list describes a pathology, it is very common to find one or more of these traits in overprotected children, or in almost all young children. It is our choice to raise them so that the process does not go any further. Once we realize this, the next question we need to ask ourselves is: how do we go about doing this?

Do not give them exactly what their heart desires

You must make it clear that you will not give in to all his desires. If he really wants something, he has to deserve it. He needs to know that everything he has comes from an effort… his parents’ efforts. Outside the home, he will not always get what he wants, and it is better that he gets used to it early. Otherwise he can become a very difficult person to deal with.

Teach them to respect others

It is true that it is very important that children feel loved, but it is also important that they do not see themselves as superior. You need to teach your child that even though he is a very special and important person, there are many who are important in their own way.

He must respect everyone and learn to love others. A good motivation for this can be to let him play at other children’s homes and invite other children to come to your home. In this way, he becomes accustomed to sharing and relating to families other than his own.

All actions have consequences

If he makes bad choices, he will see the results. Either through natural consequences or through punishments. If he behaves well, then it is just as important that he gets to see the benefits that it brings. This will act as an incentive for him to modify his behavior and he will accept that the rules apply to him as well.

Do not magnify his mistakes and do not humiliate him, but do not let him get away. He must learn to accept the consequences of his actions. Thus, in the future, he will think before he does anything.

Let him have small challenges

The main disadvantage of narcissism is that it prevents children from maturing and developing to their full potential. Let him face small challenges every day, such as learning to make his bed or tie his shoes.

With these little challenges, your child will learn to do things on their own. You can also motivate him to help in the kitchen by letting him mix and try things he likes, so you can get him to eat healthy and have a healthy attitude towards food. In addition, he does something that is good for other members of the family and gets to feel how good it feels to do something for others. Something a true narcissist can never appreciate.